I'm a firm believer that every person has moments in their lives that shape who they are and what they value. For me one such moment happened when I was in the third grade. I had gotten a letter asking my parents to attend a meeting with other parents because I was selected to be in the Gifted and Talented program. At first my parents were overjoyed. We loaded ourselves into the car and made our way to the school library all the while with them telling me how proud they were of me for doing so well in school. But things changed once we got there. The program itself was wonderful but the parents... well lets just say I've never seen such a pretentious bunch in my life. One mom in particular was especially snooty. When the program's instructor opened up the floor for the parents to speak this one particular mom stood up and requested that the children in the program be separated from the children of average intelligence and under no circumstances were they to be around children with learning disabilities because and I quote "Our children are of a much higher caliber and we must not allow them to lower themselves by associating themselves with those kinds of people." To my (and my mother's horror) other parents started to agree with her. Now before we go further I think I should point out some pertinent information that might explain why what happened next happened:
- My father and sister have dyslexia one of those "learning disabilities" those parents didn't want their kids associated with. (Granted my "learning disabled" father has one hell of a career that pays very very well- so much so that I was lucky enough to have a mom that got to stay home with us kids.)
- My mom is of Native American and Irish decent. She doesn't handle discrimination well and that fiery Irish temper is a family trait that has not diminished over the generations.
Now with all the grace that my mother's Irish temper would allow she stood straight up and walked down to where those parents were sitting and relishing in how much "better" they were. Now my mom is a short thing with curly brown hair and glasses, not exactly the most intimidating person you'll ever meet but in that moment she seemed like she was 10 feet tall with fire billowing out her nose. And you could tell those other parents felt that too. I will never forget her looking at them and saying loudly:
"Are you KIDDING me? We are talking about children! You're saying we shouldn't allow our kids to associate with others based on a test score!!!"
"To be quite frank Mrs. Freund those children just are not good enough and we must surround our children with the right type of people from an early age."
You can imagine how well that comment was received by my mother.
"Well to be quite frank Ms.(name that shall not be mentioned), I would allow my children to associate herself with 'those type' of people before I'd ever let her be around such a snobby, holier than thou, hypocritical, pathetic excuse for a human being like you! My child is no better than any other kid and I hate to break it to ya sister but neither is yours!"
And with that she took my hand and led me out of that library slowly, with her head held high and fire in her eyes and some other parents followed suit. I can honestly say the program had a few less kids that year but I had never been so proud of my mom in my life and will remember that night till the day I die.
I'm a person with a set of very important values. I'm pretty easy going and have a sort of live and let live vibe with the very important exception when it comes to a certain set of values I uphold myself to (then that feisty Irish temper makes it out of my DNA in a not so pretty way). One such value was learned that day my mom stood up to those women in the library. Do not discriminate. Never treat others as if they are less than yourself because the value of a human being is not measured on any test. It's not measured by their race, attractiveness, I.Q., sexuality, their income... the value of a person comes from inside. A valuable person is someone who leaves this world better than when they came in. A valuable person is someone who sees someone in need and has the ability to help them and does. A valuable person sees the value in others and brings it out in them so people can see them the way they do too. Every day I try to be a valuable person. Sometimes I fail at it but every day I try.
I've been thinking about that night a lot as I've been writing my fourth book; Lessons Learned from Arnold St. James. It's my first YA novel (And it will be written under my maiden name so that kids won't read one of my romantic suspense novels and think it'll be like this one) but it's one of those books I feel just has to be written about overcoming the stereotypes of people with special needs. I feel like it is a topic that is not addressed enough. Prior to my work as a novelist I worked with adults with moderate to severe special needs, teaching them life skills and taking them out into the community. I will tell you something, I am a better person for knowing them than I ever was for knowing some of my "gifted" friends. You want to see strength? You want to see courage? You want to see determination? You get your butt to a Special Olympics competition.
In a word... Natalie. In December 2011 I found out I was pregnant. After that day, something inside me changed, forced me to look at my life and try to see the world the way my child would. Would she like the world I would be bringing her in to? What kind of values do I want to cultivate in her? Am I living the kind of life that would make her proud? When she looked at her father and I, what would she see? Will she see someone who is determined, someone with goals, someone who knew what she wanted out of life and went for it? Before Natalie, I was content with my life as a wife working multiple jobs at hotels and helping adults with special needs... but there was always this little voice in the back of my head asking... "Why aren't you writing? You should be writing. You KNOW that's what you need to be doing." If you asked my mother she would tell you that voice was God pointing me in the direction I needed to be going. If you asked my best friend she would say it was just my inner most desires making their way into my consciousness. If you asked a shrink, well, I think it would be safe to say she would have prescribed me a lovely little pill bottle with my name scrawled on the side... I'm rambling, I do that a lot... but as I was saying... I was content with my life, but not necessarily proud of it. You see, I knew what I Really should be doing. I was just too chicken shit to actually do it.
Writing a novel is not a scary experience. Sharing you novel is a whole other story.
Once you share your novel, it is out there forever. You are literally giving the world access to the world and characters that live inside your head. You are giving readers the authority to judge you and your work. And as a Romantic Suspense author I have the added benefit of writing somewhat racy scenes that are typical of my genre. No big deal, right? Until you realize that your mother, grandmother, and inevitably in-laws will be reading these between the sheets details... Embarrassing does not even come close to explaining it. But sex is a part of the story, particularly one of this genre and I just have to learn to accept that I can't make censored versions for my mom and grandmother even if it would make my post book reading discussions with them less awkward.
Once I decided I have to share my work, not just keep it hidden away in my writing desk, I had to decide just how I wanted to share it. I sent out queries, tried to fit my novel into the way publishing houses wanted them to be, I even had been asked to send in my full manuscript to a publisher... but it felt wrong, somehow. Changing my novel to fit someone else's business model giving over all my rights to something I poured my heart into... I don't know, just didn't seem to appeal to me. It would be prestigious sure, but it would be a fake prestige. One that I would never quite feel like I actually earned, because my books don't fit into some neatly marketable box. But, maybe they shouldn't. I guess I'm not that kind of writer. Not that there is anything at all wrong with those kind of writers. Writing for a traditional publisher is extremely hard to get into, and you don't get there by being a poor writer. But there are just as good writers that for whatever reason just don't seem to be a good fit for Traditional publishing. I guess I'm one of them.
Pretty new
to the whole blog thing... inner most thoughts made public to the
world... not going to lie, pretty intimidating. But as my wonderful
husband says, "You're willing to write novels and share them with the
world. Why not a blog." And he's right [he often is, but that can be our
little secret] part of being a novelist is putting yourself out there,
spending months creating a world on paper that you've envisioned in your
mind, sharing it with others, and praying they enjoy the world you
created as much as you do or at least don't rip into you too harshly if
they take the time to review it. I'm just going to look at this blog as
an extension of that. Putting myself out there and hoping for the best.
So a little about me...
The Stats:
- I'm 24
- I live in rural Indiana but spend every chance I get on the Gulf of Mexico.
- Dark hair, Dark eyes, very short
- I'm addicted to historical documentaries, crime dramas, and guilty pleasure shows like True Blood.
- I've been accused by those closest to me that I'm very stubborn and a tad over-protective of my friends and family.
- I'm the oldest of 7 siblings and EXTREMELY close to my family. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my crazy clan.
- I'm kind of
addicted to genealogy websites... to be fair I do have a pretty
interesting family history. I come from a long line of pirates and
Native American missionaries.
- For as long
as I can remember I've wanted to be a writer and my mom has boxes
of "books" I wrote in grade school [they usually centered on how
annoying my baby brother was] lying around in some closet somewhere.
- I am head over heals in love with my husband.
- I hate socks and wish we lived in a world where flip flops were an acceptable form of everyday attire.
- I am far too dependant on Starbucks' White Chocolate Mocha than I should be.
- I have
absolutely zero ability when it comes to having a sense of style, be
that clothing or interior decorating... left to my own devices every
room in my house would be a different bright color with family photos
and my little sisters' elementary school artwork framed on the walls and
an eclectic assortment of knickknacks on any flat surface. In my
defense, I get that honestly from my mother. I grew up in a house that
on the inside resembled a Mexican restaurant and was accented with a
wide array of lighthouse and other nautical influences... You would
think we lived somewhere tropical by the way it was decorated but no we
lived in the middle of the dense Indiana forest. My childhood home, had
and still has a bit of an identity crisis, but I wouldn't have it any
other way.
- I love to
work. So far I've been a freelance writer, preschool teacher, helped
teach adults with special needs, and a Guest Service rep for hotels.
- I have a dream of living on a houseboat and sailing port to port taste testing various Cajun food.
- I freak out
if I even see a snake but have no problem stopping in the middle of the
Florida Everglades to hold a pet alligator for some old guy at a gas
station... Believe it or not Gators are actually pretty soft.
- I'm the kind of person that has to be near a body of water, be it a lake, lagoon, or ocean. Being on a dock calms me.
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL...
- I am a mom.
A very happy, very blessed mom to a beautiful baby girl named Natalie.
She truly is the best part of my life and anyone who knows me will tell
you I'm one of those annoying moms who show you pictures of their kid
every five minutes. It's annoying. I know that but I don't care.
Well, I think that's all you need to know about me for one day.
Kind Regards~
Jessica F.F. Evans
